“Never stop praying.”
— I Thessalonians 5:17 (NLT)
When the Goals Became Background Noise
There are some months you plan for, and then there are months that quietly change everything.
March was supposed to be a momentous step into spring—a season centered on my wellness goals.
But instead, I was all over the place emotionally. I had fitness intentions. I had nutrition goals. I had a whole gentle wellness plan mapped out in my head. But all of that went out the window when my family was told in early March by the hospice care team that my grandmother would be transitioning in approximately one to two weeks. Everything else, including my goals and plans, became background noise.
Visiting her after that news, knowing the pain she was in, took an emotional toll on our entire family. There’s no easy way to describe that space between love and letting go.
And then, on March 17th, my grandmother went home to be with the Lord.
This is my Authentic April wellness post, and in the spirit of authenticity, I’m not pretending March went according to plan or that my wellness goals unfolded the way I hoped. I’m naming it, extending myself some grace, and then doing what I need to do: gently moving forward.
Momentous March: What Actually Happened
I walked into March with two simple, clear intentions: strength training twice a week—Mondays and Fridays—and mindful nutrition with protein and carb tracking. Nothing complicated. Nothing I hadn’t done before.
March didn’t test my discipline. It tested my grace.
I didn’t have the capacity to focus on macros and progressive overload. I was navigating nursing home visits, hard conversations, and grief. Between final visits with my grandmother and the continued weight of anticipatory grief, things were already heavy.
Then came her passing, planning her funeral, and traveling to South Carolina to lay her to rest in her hometown.
At the same time, there was a health concern: ongoing palpitations I’ve had for years started needing more attention again, along with the stress that came with that.
My sleep, appetite, and motivation took the hit you’d expect.
Nutrition tracking disappeared. And the rest of the Monday and Friday strength sessions I had planned? I didn’t even think about them.
But here’s what I didn’t miss: that first Monday strength training session in March.
At that point, it had been a couple of weeks since I’d trained consistently, and that day mattered a lot to me. It was me keeping the door open—refusing to let everything happening around me take my identity as someone who shows up for herself.
March reminded me of a few things:
Life doesn’t wait for routines to line up perfectly. Wellness isn’t always about macros or personal records—it’s often about grace. Health concerns like palpitations and abnormal EKGs can feel unsettling, but taking action instead of ignoring symptoms is still progress. That’s still self-care. Emotional and physical health are deeply connected, and grief can affect appetite, energy, and motivation in very real ways—and all of that is okay.
Showing up hasn’t looked perfect. March taught me that all over again. During this season, it’s a lesson I’ve had to learn more than once.
Authentic April: Where I Am Right Now
I read something in a devotional recently that stopped me mid-sentence: Live a life in conversation with the Lord.
Not a life of scheduled prayers. Not a life of checking boxes. A life in conversation—ongoing, honest, unhurried time with God.
The kind of conversation where I say:
“Lord, March was so hard. I miss Granny, but I’m grateful she’s no longer in pain. She waited so long to be with You, and I know she’s in a far better place than here with me.”
“I’m tired, Lord. I feel like I’m behind in my own life. Why is it so hard to let go of what used to be and look forward to what could be?”
“I don’t know what I’m doing—but I’ll keep walking anyway because I know I’m not walking alone. I know You’ll be with me, even in the gym on Friday. I know You know all about my health concerns, my fitness plans, my dreams. I’m releasing all of it to You.”
“And I’m going to show up… and trust You through it all.”
That’s the posture I’m bringing into April.
Authenticity, for me right now, means not pretending everything is okay. I’m so tired of pretending. It means naming what’s hard without being ashamed and staying stuck there. It means talking to God and asking Him to guide my decisions toward what I actually need in this season—not what I think I should need.
And what I need right now is Jesus. I will always need Him.
May Is Already in Motion
On May 1st, I’m returning to my favorite gym. I’m excited about it. Because of financial constraints, I had to drastically cut spending, and I’ve missed being there.
I want to be clear about something: this is not a story about a lack of willpower. I love lifting weights. I know strength-training programming. I know what my body needs. But right now, in this season of grief, transition, and recovery from burnout, I am not strong enough—emotionally or motivationally—to do this alone at home.
So I made a financial investment in myself. Sometimes self-care means recognizing what you need and actually giving it to yourself.
I’m going back to the gym for the weight training, yes—but I’m also going back for the accountability and the camaraderie. I get to see men and women, some in their late 60s and others in their mid to late 70s, deadlifting, squatting, pressing, and benching. It shows me, as a soon-to-be 56-year-old woman (on May 8th), what is still possible for me 15 to 20 years from now. It’s a reminder that I belong somewhere that asks something of me in the best possible way.
I also resumed my walks on the nature trail last week. That part of my wellness matters just as much as strength training. Twice a week is the goal, but once a week is still a win right now. The week before last, I walked twice. Last week, I didn’t walk at all. I’m learning not to overanalyze it—just to notice where I am and keep going. We’ll see how this week unfolds.
In my Mindful May wellness post, I’ll share how it’s going.
A Word Before I Go
Live a life in conversation with the Lord.
I don’t know where you are in your wellness journey right now. Maybe you’re on track. Maybe, like me, grief, exhaustion, or plain old life knocked your plan sideways. Maybe you’re somewhere in between.
But I do know this: whatever season you’re in, you don’t have to navigate it alone—and you don’t have to have it all together before you bring it to God. The conversation is already open. You just have to keep talking.
A couple of questions to sit with:
- Where in your life right now do you need to extend yourself more grace?
- What would it look like for you to live in honest conversation with God this week?
Be brave enough to name what didn’t go as planned. 💜
Be faithful enough to extend yourself the same grace you’d give a friend. 💜
Be kind enough to invest in what you actually need right now. 💜
March didn’t go the way I planned. April is teaching me to be honest about that. And May? May is already unfolding.
— Tami Zanele
