When Healing Meets Reality
It’s been 15 months since I left my job in October 2023. Fifteen months of healing from burnout, of learning to breathe again, and of discovering what it means to truly rest. But, here I am, wrestling with a familiar tension: the bills are due, and that old voice in my head is getting louder—the one that says, “Just push through. Do what you have to do. Get a job, any job. Figure it out.”
But something is different this time. After all these months, I’m finally beginning to understand that healing can’t be controlled or rushed. And more importantly, I’m learning that the burden I’ve been carrying doesn’t have to be mine alone.
What Have You Been Carrying That You Need to Give to God?
That was the question in my journal today—Day 4 of my “Walking it Out: 21 Days of Faith Steps” devotional (which I’ll be sharing with my community soon). As I read those words, something shifted inside me.
What have I been carrying?
Not for months, but for years. Decades, actually.
For most of my adult life, I’ve been the one who figures it out. The one who pushes through, regardless of how I feel. The one who makes it work, no matter what. It’s a pattern so deeply ingrained over decades of adulting that even after 15 months of intentional healing, I’m still learning to recognize it. You’d think by now I’d have figured out that I don’t have to carry everything alone.
The financial pressure I’m feeling now isn’t new; it’s just the latest version of a burden I’ve carried for years. It’s the weight of being the one who thinks she always has to have the answers, who always has to make something happen.
Learning to Listen (Instead of Just Pushing Through)
I used to think that being strong meant overriding my own needs. If I was tired, I pushed through. If I was overwhelmed, I found a way to manage. If something needed to be done, I did it—regardless of the cost to my well-being.
But experiencing burnout taught me something I never expected: that voice that says “just handle it” isn’t always wisdom. Sometimes it’s the very thing that’s been wearing me out for years.
Here I am, fifteen months later, just beginning to understand that true healing requires something different. It requires actually listening to what my heart and body are telling me, instead of constantly overriding them. It requires admitting that I’m still not ready to return to the traditional workforce, even though the practical side of me says I should be ready by now.
The Long Road from Control to Surrender
This is where faith gets real, isn’t it? When bills are due and you’re trying to trust God’s timing. When everything in you wants to take control and make something happen, but you know in your heart that you need more time to heal.
I’ve always been good at controlling my way through everything. Making lists, coming up with solutions, pushing through obstacles. But God is teaching me that true surrender isn’t just about giving Him the ‘easy’ stuff—it’s about giving Him the scary stuff too.
The financial pressure.
The uncertainty.
And the timeline that doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
Surrender means trusting that God sees my need for continued healing, and He sees our bills. It means believing that His provision might look different from my plans, but it will be exactly what we need, when we need it.
From ‘I Have to Handle This’ to ‘I’m Giving This to God’
Here’s what I’m learning: there’s a difference between saying we’re giving something to God and actually letting it go. I’ve been carrying burdens for years, trying to manage, control, and solve them. But true surrender means releasing my grip entirely.
When I finally let go, I mean really let go; I’ll know when God provides because I’ll be able to recognize it as Him, not me. There will be a peace, a rightness, a knowing that can only come from His hand.
If you’re carrying similar burdens, know that you’re not alone in this community. We’re walking this faith journey together, and sometimes the most healing thing we can do is simply know that someone else understands.
God Has a Way of Showing Us Just How Much We Need Him
Since his passing last July, I think about my Dad every day. He used to be my confidant, the one I could talk to about anything and everything. But early in my marriage, when I sought my Dad’s counsel, I realized I couldn’t turn to him anymore. His illness had changed him. Vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s disease have a way of doing that. The changes were subtle at first, but I could tell he was different.
One of the things I had wanted to discuss with him was my marriage – specifically, how I went into my marriage expecting life’s burdens to be shared between my husband and me as partners. However, it felt like I was still carrying most of the same weight I had as a single parent, like I was still the one who was figuring things out alone. Turns out, just when I wanted that wise counsel most, I discovered he wasn’t quite the same Dad I’d known for most of my life.
But I realize now that God has a way of showing us just how much we need Him. He doesn’t want us to put anyone else before Him. In Exodus 20:3-5, He makes this crystal clear: “You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make idols for yourselves… for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God.”
His jealousy isn’t petty at all; it’s protective. God knows that when we look to other people, or our own control as the ultimate source of security, we end up being disappointed and carrying burdens we were never meant to have.
And sometimes, the very losses that feel so devastating, like losing my Dad as my confidant, and realizing that the support I hoped for in marriage was not there, are what lead us to discover that God has been waiting to be our ultimate source of strength and wisdom all along.
After my Dad died, my pastor reminded me of something significant: “You will never be fatherless.” In that moment of grief, God was gently reminding me of the truth, that He is my ultimate Father, my true confidant, and the One who will never leave me or lose His ability to guide me through any and every situation.
The timing of the journal question I mentioned earlier wasn’t a coincidence. It was God gently showing me that He’s been waiting for me to bring it all to Him. Not just the financial stress, but the years of carrying everything alone, the unmet expectations and disappointments, and the burden of being the one who feels like she always has to figure everything out.
He Is the Best Confidant
I have someone to whom I can trust with all my burdens. God wants to be my confidant, my provider, my peace in the middle of uncertainties. No human relationship, no matter how wonderful, was ever meant to carry the full weight of being my everything. Only God can do that. Only God loves us with a faithful and abiding love. What an absolute gift!
So, with that, I’m learning what it means to truly surrender, and that surrendering is an ongoing process that happens as often as needed — meaning every day. It’s about trusting His timing when it doesn’t make sense and believing that He has a plan that honors both my need for healing and our practical needs. God’s plan is always better.
This is what faith looks like in real life: not having all the answers, but trusting the One who does. Not being strong enough to carry it all, but being brave enough to give it to the One who can.
Share your reflections in the comments if you feel led – your story might be exactly what another woman needs to hear today.
Remember: Life is a faith journey. Walk boldly and trust that you don’t have to walk in this life alone.
