The Dream That Brings Me to Tears
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty [emancipation from bondage, true freedom].” – 2 Corinthians 3:17 (AMP)
There’s a dream that lives in my heart, one that makes me feel so giddy; just thinking about it, I could cry. Not sad tears – tears of anxious anticipation, of recognition, of coming home to something I didn’t even know I was searching for.
I want to sell everything I own and cash out my retirement savings. I want to leave the United States and live nomadically – following summer around the world, or settling somewhere like Colombia, Brazil, or Panama, where my heart can breathe and my spirit can soar.
Most people would call that ridiculous and reckless. Foolish. A midlife crisis wrapped in wanderlust.
But I call it a divine trust.
The Evolution of a Dream
It’s funny how dreams evolve. A few years ago, I initially wanted to sell everything and move to California. That felt like freedom then – a new state, a fresh start, with warm weather all the time, instead of the cold winters in Baltimore. Did I ever mention how I dislike winter and the cold weather?
But somewhere along this faith journey, my vision of freedom expanded beyond borders I didn’t even know I had drawn. It wasn’t just about a different state anymore. It was about a completely different way of living. A way that felt authentic to who I’m becoming, not who I’ve always been expected to be.
Now, when I think about freedom, I think about waking up in a place where the cost of living allows me to actually live, not just survive, where I can write from a balcony overlooking mountains or an ocean, where the pace of life aligns with the rhythm of my heart instead of the demands of a system that never quite saw my worth anyway.
I think about following warm weather like the birds do, not because I’m running from something, but because I’m running toward something. I’m running towards the life God placed in my heart when He whispered, “What if you stopped playing it safe?”
God shares with us in Matthew 6:26 about the birds and how they neither reap nor sow, but He takes care of them. That is how the Lord wants all of us to live – to be totally and utterly dependent on Him. Birds aren’t anxious about anything. We play it safe because we are uncertain about our future, and we believe that making plans is the best way to ensure a good outcome. But only God knows the outcome.
Let me be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with planning for the future. But trusting God with our plans is the key, not just relying solely on those plans.
This big dream of mine would provide me with a tangible opportunity to experience God in a magnificent way. What a gift it would be! Maybe God placed this dream in my heart to cure my anxiety. There is never a reason to feel anxious when you learn and trust without a doubt that God will take care of your every need.
What Security Really Costs
Here’s what I’ve learned about security: it’s expensive. Not financially, but spiritually, especially for a person like me who likes to be in control. The cost of playing it safe, of keeping those retirement savings intact, of following all the “smart” advice about retirement planning, could be the cost of never fully trusting God with everything.
We often discuss faith, by trusting in God, walking by faith, and not only by sight. But then we clutch our backup plans so tightly our knuckles turn white. We say we believe God will provide while we triple-check our retirement accounts.
I don’t have nearly enough saved for retirement right now. Technically, I have 12 and a half more years before I reach full retirement age at 67 and a half. I’m currently unemployed, and honestly, I didn’t plan on working that long anyway. I figured I’d work until around 62 and figure things out from there. But somewhere along the way, 55 started feeling like the perfect retirement age. I’m 55 now, and I wish I had figured this out decades ago so I could have saved more aggressively! By worldly standards, I definitely don’t have “enough” to retire comfortably, let alone fund some nomadic adventure across continents. But you know what? That wouldn’t keep me from doing it.
Because this isn’t about having enough money, this is about having enough faith. And honestly? It’s about not having regrets.
I keep thinking, ‘What if I don’t chase my dream?’ What if I play it safe and follow all the conventional wisdom about retirement planning, and then… what? What if I reach age 62 or 67 and realize I spent those years waiting for permission to live, instead of actually living?
That feels like the real risk to me. Not the risk of cashing out early, but the risk of never taking the leap at all.
The Nomad in Me
The funny thing is, this dream isn’t really coming out of nowhere. When I moved out of my parents’ house at 30 with my son, I changed apartments every 2 years because I needed a change. My parents would call me a nomad, laughing about my inability to stay in one place for long.
Maybe they were more right than they knew. What they saw as restlessness was actually my spirit recognizing that I’m not meant to be tied down to one place, one view, one way of living. I also never wanted to buy a house here in Baltimore. I wanted to stay free to leave whenever I felt ready. Now I’m wondering if those proceeds could have funded this dream.
Sometimes what feels like a simple preference might actually be divine preparation. that desire for change, for movement, for something new every couple of years was God preparing me for this bigger vision of freedom.
I thought I would outgrow that need for constant change. I thought settling down was what mature adults were supposed to do. But what if that nomadic spirit was never something to outgrow? What if it was something to embrace?
The Sacred Exchange
When I think about cashing out that 403B – that symbol of conventional wisdom, of doing the “right” thing, of preparing for a future I’m supposed to want – I don’t feel reckless, I feel at peace.
I feel like I’m making an exchange at the altar, trading what the world calls security for what God calls sacred trust. I’d be trading the illusion of control for the reality of His provision and trading the fear of “what if” for the faith of “even if.”
And trading the fear of regret for the courage to live fully now.
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.” True freedom isn’t found in a bank account balance, a retirement plan, or even living nomadically. It’s found in the complete surrender that says, “Lord, I trust You with it all.”
But that’s what this dream represents to me: not escape, but surrender. It’s not running away, but running toward. It’s not recklessness, but radical faith.
And maybe, it’s my spirit coming full circle to who I’ve always been – the nomad my parents saw all those years ago, finally ready to embrace that calling on a scale I never imagined possible.
The Conversation That Matters
I’ve reached a point in my life where living authentically matters more than playing it safe. Where following the call God has placed in my heart matters more than keeping everyone else comfortable with my choices.
Sometimes, when we become clear about what we want, it forces important conversations that need to happen anyway. Perhaps, the idea of adventure and freedom would also appeal to others in my life, especially if I painted a picture of what life could be, with the warm weather, a lower cost of living, and new experiences together.
But I’m at a stage in life where I want to make choices based on what lights me up, not what everyone else thinks is sensible.
Freedom That Calls to Me
When I close my eyes and think about this dream, I can feel it. The freedom of waking up somewhere beautiful, somewhere that doesn’t feel like I’m just surviving until the weekend. The freedom of writing from a place that inspires me, where every sunrise feels like a gift instead of another day to get through.
I think about the women I’d meet, the stories I’d hear, the perspective I’d gain. I think about the content I’d create for you, by showing you that the boldest chapters of our lives don’t have to be behind us just because we’re over 50.
But more than any of that, I think about the opportunities for spiritual growth that could come from taking this leap. The freedom of knowing I trusted God so big. The freedom of discovering His provision in ways I never could have imagined. The freedom of living like the birds – not because I don’t care about tomorrow, but because I trust the One who holds all my tomorrows.
The Dream That Won’t Let Go
I haven’t done any real research yet. I haven’t researched visa requirements, cost of living comparisons, or expat communities. This is still in the dreaming phase, the phase where it makes my heart sing just to think about it.
But I know it can be done. There are Black women like me living abroad and thriving – some of them are much younger than I am, but there are others around my age. They’re proof that this isn’t just a fantasy. They’re living evidence that women who look like me can make this leap and not just survive, but flourish.
But dreams that make your heart sing? Those aren’t accidents. Those are invitations.
And I know this invitation isn’t just about geography. It’s about faith. It’s about trust. It’s about what it looks like to actually believe that God will take care of me, even when I can’t see how.
This is my big, audacious, God-sized dream. And maybe it sounds crazy to you. Maybe you think I should keep that 403B right where it is, play it safe, and follow conventional wisdom about retirement planning.
But I don’t want to play it safe. Quitting a job that no longer served me without another one lined up is not playing it safe. Yes. I did that! I’m done letting fear disguise itself as wisdom. I’m done letting the world’s definition of security keep me from the sacred trust God is calling me to.
The Bigger Picture
As I sit with this dream, I’m starting to see it’s not just about me finding freedom, it’s also about expanding my calling to encourage women. Imagine the stories I could share, the perspectives I could offer, the global community of women over 50 I could connect with, who are all walking their own bold faith journeys.
I plan to research this thoroughly by connecting with content creators who assist Black women with international relocation, exploring visa requirements, living costs, and expat communities. I’ll share what I discover in future posts as this journey unfolds.
Seeking God’s Will First
Although I have this big, bold, beautiful dream, it may not be in God’s will for my life to do this. Why? Only He knows. The Lord sees and knows things that I may never know. I trust with my whole heart that He knows what’s best for me.
Seeking God first means taking every dream or decision I’m considering to Him in prayer. Just because I want to live nomadically doesn’t mean I should. Proverbs 19:10 reminds me that “reverent fear of the Lord [that is, worshipping Him and regarding Him as truly awesome] is the preeminent part of wisdom [its starting point and its essence], and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding and spiritual insight.”
I strive to make wise decisions for my life. This dream that makes my heart sing so loudly, that I must lay this dream at Jesus’ feet. If He says yes, I want to walk boldly into it. If He says no, I’ll trust His perfect plan is better than my beautiful dream. Either way, I’m learning what it means to hold my desires with open hands.
Where the Spirit Is
“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”
True freedom isn’t found in the perfect plan or the perfect bank account. It’s found in the perfect surrender to the Lord Jesus. It’s found in the sacred trust that says, “I don’t know how this is going to work out, but I know who’s in control.”
Although, I don’t need to leave the country to find true freedom in the Lord, this dream of mine represents that to me. Not just the freedom to travel, but the freedom to trust. Not just the liberty to live nomadically, but the liberty that comes from knowing God is my true home, my real security, my ultimate provider.
Whether this dream becomes reality or stays a beautiful possibility, it’s already changing me. It’s already showing me what divine trust looks like. It’s already giving me a taste of the freedom that Jesus gives us when we trade being in control for surrendering all to Him.
And that freedom? That’s something this world could never provide.
This is what I know: life is a faith journey, and sometimes the most faithful thing we can do is walk boldly toward the dreams that make our hearts sing.
