Why I’m Done Settling for a Culture That Doesn’t See Me
A couple of weeks ago, I shared a glimpse of what I’ve been feeling as I build my brand—Zanele’s Faith Journeys, or ZFJ for short. But the truth is, ZFJ is more than just a brand. It reflects who I am and what God calls me to share with the world.
Lately, I’ve been wrestling with some hard thoughts.
I wondering if this brand I’m building—Zanele’s Faith Journeys—will ever take root the way I dream it will…
Wondering if I’m dreaming too big…
Wondering if anyone even sees the value in what I’m trying to create—for bold, faith-driven women over 50 who refuse to settle.
I was having a tough week. And on that day, I was questioning everything.
I’ve spent nearly 28 years in an administrative role within a large hospital system. And to be honest, for most of that time, I didn’t feel truly seen or valued. I showed up, gave my best, and worked with integrity, but the culture rarely gave anything back.
What Happens When Gratitude Gets Replaced by Productivity
In the early years, it wasn’t all bad. It was mostly good.
Supervisors and company leadership showed appreciation. In my first job at the hospital (I had a few), I worked in a department where the leadership made some effort to show meaningful appreciation for their staff.
In addition, the hospital leadership held a beautiful, lavish, well-organized hospital-wide holiday party each December and a summer picnic every Spring that made you feel like part of a real team. It was really something to look forward to—so much so that if you were scheduled off on the day of these events, you’d consider making a special trip to the hospital just to participate.
But over time, the culture began to shift.
The celebrations got smaller and basic.
It went from a lavish holiday party in the auditorium to a less-than-mediocre spread in the hospital cafeteria. Needless to say, that was pretty disappointing, and that became the norm.
In the last department I worked in (and the one I worked in for most of my years), some of the leadership made an effort, with little Christmas gifts and occasionally treating the staff to lunch or dinner. But then that changed, too.
There were some exceptions to this.
I had a couple of supervisors who were great at meaningfully expressing their gratitude and appreciation, which made all the difference in the world. When someone sees your hard work and says, “I notice you. I appreciate you,” it reminds you that your contributions matter, not just the results, but you.
Unfortunately, some in leadership positions have the attitude that you were hired to do a job, and that’s what’s expected. So in their minds, you shouldn’t need or expect any appreciation for simply doing what you were paid to do.
But that kind of mindset is not just cold—it’s counterproductive.
Because when employees don’t feel seen, they disengage.
When appreciation is missing, so is motivation.
And when people feel invisible, they stop bringing their whole selves to work.
Employees are the employer’s greatest asset. Period.
And appreciation doesn’t cost much—but its absence costs a lot.
The Divide That No One Wanted to Admit
But as the years passed, a deeper divide within the culture was revealed. It became increasingly clear that most of my direct leadership truly didn’t value the work my department did for the hospital.
There were some in leadership positions who felt unappreciated, too.
But even so, they were still given meaningful gifts of appreciation and/or monetary bonuses.
What made it worse was the growing divide.
The doctors and nurses are publicly appreciated significantly, and they absolutely should be. In my role at the hospital, I worked directly with nurses and they deserve all the recognition in the world. You will never hear me say otherwise.
But what about the rest of the staff? Or the administrative staff in my department?
Sure, there were smaller-scale recognitions. But nothing worthy in comparison to what was contributed.
We were often treated like invisible gears in the machine—essential but unrecognized, often blamed but hardly praised.
When You Realize It’s Not Just You
That divide wasn’t just felt—it was spoken about, and sometimes, it was painfully obvious. I remember one of my coworkers sharing that she overheard one of the managers saying:
“Oh, that job is not hard, any monkey could do that job.”
It was, in fact, not easy. It was a high-pressure job with little room for error and many moving parts.
After a while, I knew it was just my department.
I learned that admin staff from other departments were given bonuses by their supervisors and offered meaningful perks or gestures to say:
“Thank you. You matter. And we appreciate the work you do.”
But here’s what I also know:
If a department can get away with overlooking its employees, that’s not just a local departmental issue.
That’s a leadership failure at the top of the company.
A company’s culture is reflected in what it rewards, ignores, and permits.
When the Mission No Longer Matches the Reality
Let me be clear: I am grateful for that job.
I met incredible people, many of whom I worked alongside for many years. There were moments of genuine camaraderie, times when it felt like we were doing something that truly mattered.
I loved the idea of working for a place that cared for people during some of the most vulnerable moments of their lives. When you’re sick—or dying—that’s about as vulnerable as it gets. In those moments, quality of care matters. Compassion matters. People matter.
But somewhere along the way, the mission shifted.
Although their messaging still said they cared, their actions spoke otherwise.
It became less about care and more about capacity.
Less about compassion and more about filling beds.
Even when units were short-staffed, the pressure was the same:
Get the patients in. Keep the numbers up.
It didn’t sit right with me.
Not just as an employee, but as a human being.
Because when a workplace stops honoring the very values it was built on, when it trades quality for quantity, something meaningful gets lost.
And I couldn’t unsee that anymore.
The culture shift had been quietly wearing me down for years, but life’s storms made it impossible to ignore any longer.
Choosing Healing Over Hustle
It didn’t all come crashing down at once. But over time, the pressure wore me down.
Then, life happened.
My father’s health took a serious turn.
My grandmother’s health declined.
And right in the middle of it all, I was navigating menopause—physically, emotionally, hormonally drained.
It all hit at once.
The grief. The pressure. The unraveling.
And my mental health began to suffer.
I wasn’t as resilient as I used to be. I couldn’t just “put my head down and push through it” anymore.
Something had to give.
In October 2023, I took my second extended FMLA leave.
Not just to be there for my family, but to finally care for me.
To acknowledge that I was burnt out. That I wasn’t okay.
And to do the hard, necessary work of healing.
It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made—and one of the most important.
Because for the first time, I chose to stop surviving and start listening to what my spirit had been whispering for years:
“You were made for more than this.”
💜 Let’s Pause and Reflect: Faith That Reaches Forward
What is your future self calling out for today? And are you ready to answer in faith?
Still Dreaming, Still Job Hunting—But No Longer Settling
So now, here I am.
Trying to build something of my own.
And honestly?
Some days, that old memory creeps in and makes me wonder if I’m asking too much.
But then I remember—
I’m not just building a brand.
I’m building a culture.
A culture where growth is expected.
Where mental and physical well-being are prioritized.
Where women aren’t just completing checklists—we’re making an impact.
Zanele’s Faith Journeys isn’t about likes or quick wins.
It’s a calling.
A calling to create a space where women over 50 can thrive, not just survive.
Where strength, wisdom, and faith collide with purpose.
But here’s the unfiltered truth:
While I’m pouring my heart into building this brand,
I’m also looking for a job.
Because yes—I still have bills to pay.
And that’s real.
And that’s okay.
What’s not okay… is settling.
Not anymore.
I’m not looking for just any job.
I’m looking for a role within a culture that mirrors the values I’ve spent years nurturing in myself—
Values that align with everything Zanele’s Faith Journeys stands for:
💜 Growth
💜 Impact
💜 Health
💜 Integrity
💜 Empowerment
Holding Out for Alignment, Not Just Employment
Here’s something I don’t talk about often:
I’ve been unemployed for a little over a year now.
Not because I haven’t been looking. Not because I’m unwilling to work.
The truth is, I’m willing to do any job—but only for the right kind of company.
A company whose mission matches mine. One that values people, invests in their well-being, and gives back to the community it serves.
I’ve been deliberate in this season, and I’ve had to trust that God sees every step.
Most days, I find myself praying:
“Lord, just place the perfect opportunity in my lap.
Or let Zanele’s Faith Journeys become the provision that blesses my family—and many others.”
But even when the answers are slow, I believe this season isn’t wasted.
It’s a season of refining—walking in faith while holding out for alignment, not just employment.
I want to do work that matters.
In a place where people matter.
And I still believe that’s possible.
Building What Aligns, Becoming Who I’m Called to Be
And let’s be honest—
It’s not easy looking for a job when you’re over 50.
Ageism is real.
Some companies don’t value seasoned professionals the way they should.
They want your wisdom at an entry-level price.
They want your calm-in-a-crisis experience without the pay to match it.
It’s sad. It’s unfortunate.
And it’s precisely why I’m so deliberate in this season.
Because I refuse to play small just to get a paycheck.
I’ve put in the years. I’ve earned my voice.
And I know without a doubt that what I bring to the table is valuable.
And there’s something else I’ve been carrying quietly:
In my heart, I don’t want to work for anyone else.
I want to work for myself.
To employ myself.
To create something that reflects what I value—and to eventually bring others along for the ride.
But bills still need to be paid.
So I’m navigating that tension daily—
Trusting God while taking steps.
Believing for more while honoring what is.
Waiting for provision while still sowing into the vision.
I want to be clear about this—
I’m not writing from a place of bitterness.
My heart still holds deep gratitude for my years in that job.
It gave me stability, friendships, lessons, and opportunities I’ll never forget.
Lord knows I’m grateful.
But even in my gratitude, I can acknowledge this truth:
The culture stopped aligning with who I was becoming.
And that’s not bitterness.
That’s growth.
A couple of months ago, I came across a quote on LinkedIn from @Elvi Caperonis that hit me in my spirit. She helps women leaders build their 6-figure personal brands, and her words stayed with me:
Amen to that!
Whether I’m pouring into Zanele’s Faith Journeys full-time,
Or contributing to a mission-aligned organization that values what I bring—
I know I’m not just looking for employment.
I’m standing on purpose.
And I’m holding out for alignment.
So, if you’re in a season like mine—waiting, wrestling, building, believing—I want you to know this: you’re not alone.
Your dream isn’t too big.
Your voice isn’t too late.
And your faith? It’s not misplaced.
Because You’re Not Meant to Settle
🟣 If you’re rebuilding after burnout, navigating life after 50, daring to dream again while job hunting, or like me, all of the above—keep showing up.
Not just for a paycheck. Not just for survival.
But for the life God is calling you to build.
You have a God-given purpose.
Because, if He placed the vision in your heart, He will provide what you need to walk it out—one faith step at a time.
But you’ve got to believe that with all your heart, like there’s no doubt it will happen. Let’s keep walking this out—one bold, faith-filled step at a time.
🟣 If something in this post spoke to you, take it as a reminder: you’re not crazy, too sensitive, or asking for too much. You’re just waking up to what your soul has been whispering all along—there’s more, and you’re allowed to want it.
I may still be job hunting, and the path ahead might feel uncertain, but I’m choosing to hold out for alignment, not just employment. And if that’s where you are, too? Sis, you’re not alone.
More resources, tools, and encouragement are coming soon. But for now, I just want to say thank you for being here.
We’re not settling—we’re standing. We’re not hustling—we’re healing. And we’re not giving up—we’re walking it out, faithfully and boldly.
Remember, life is a faith journey! Walk boldly.💜
