**Trigger Warning**
This blog discusses themes of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please seek professional help or contact a crisis hotline. You are not alone, and there is hope and healing available.
The Truth That Was Never Shared
Hot flashes and no more periods. That’s pretty much all I got about menopause when I was younger. That was the big picture painted for most of us—maybe with a few jokes about mood swings and sticking our head in the freezer tossed in for a chuckle.
There was nothing—and I mean nothing—that prepared me for the tsunami that hit my body, mind, and spirit.
During perimenopause, I had those “crime scene” periods that came out of nowhere, often. It was not pretty! So yes, I was looking forward to the part about no more periods. I was excited about it.
But with those crime scene periods came some sleep disruptions, and nobody warned me about all the other things that were coming—the things that nearly broke me.
What I know now is this: not every woman experiences menopause in the same way.
With menopause comes the loss of estrogen, which our bodies had in abundance for most of our lives. Estrogen is more than just a hormone; it’s a powerhouse. It helps keep our systems running smoothly—ourmoods regulated, joints lubricated, skin supple, and minds functioning well.
When it leaves? Oh, you’ll feel it.
The changes don’t hit you all at once, but I felt them in ways I never expected:
- Brain fog that made me forget why I walked into a room or why facts that were once easy to retrieve were now often “on the tip of my tongue.”
- Crushing anxiety and deep, unexpected sadness.
- Mood swings that had me angry and irritated one moment and crying the next.
- Shoulder, hip, and joint pain that came out of nowhere and for no reason.
- Insomnia (and sleep is my bae! lol)
- Weight gain (seemingly overnight), and I’d been eating and exercising exactly the same as before)
- HIgher cholesterol, increased blood sugar, and new thyroid issues.
- My sex drive left the building (I mean, it disappeared!)
- A total collaspe of the go-to routines that once helped me feel “okay.”
- And a lack of motivation (absolutely no “get-up-and-go”).
And the resiliency I used to pride myself on—the ability to push through no matter what—was gone. (It’s still gone!) And in many ways, menopause forced me to confront that.
But here’s the thing:… even with all these changes, it wasn’t ALL bad!
The Breaking That Led to Breakthrough
Here’s the truth I couldn’t see at first: menopause—hard and disorienting as it has been—has turned out to be one of the greatest blessings of my life.
It broke me in ways I didn’t see coming. But that breaking revealed deep things—not just about who I am but about who God is.
Menopause stripped away the striving, constantly pushing through, performing, proving. And in the stillness that followed, I was left with silence—God’s kind of silence. The kind that doesn’t abandon you but invites you in. He quieted the noise so I could hear Him in a new way.
And in that quiet? I met God in new ways over and over again. Not in performance. Not in perfection. But in raw, soul-exposing surrender.
It was the breaking that led to a breakthrough.
The Depression No One Talks About
But before the breakthrough came… there was the breaking.
I’ll never forget one particular day—I was about 47 or 48 (so I was in perimenopause). I came across a leftover bottle of prescription medication from a past bout of severe abdominal pain (also perimenopausal related). No big deal, right? But out of nowhere, this chilling thought hit me:
Why don’t you take all of these pills?
Wait, What! I was frozen.
Terrified.
Where did that come from?
The thought passed quickly, but I didn’t brush it off. I flushed the pills immediately. Something in me knew:
The enemy can use anything you keep in the dark against you. I knew it was the Lord speaking to me. He told me to bring it to the light, and let someone know!
I called my husband and told him what happened. The thing that boggles my mind is that I wasn’t even depressed at the time. I didn’t feel sad. I was just confused, ashamed, and shaken.
But that wasn’t the only time.
In 2024, I was driving over a bridge I’d crossed many times when another thought whispered:
What if you drove right off this bridge?
I gripped the wheel. Tears began to run down my face.
I kept driving, but the panic rose like a tidal wave. What is happening to me? I usually love driving over bridges. Later, I told my husband. And then, I told my doctor and therapist.
The dark thoughts we hide have the most power. But when you bring those thoughts into the light, you strip the enemy of that power.
The enemy can use anything you keep in the dark. God always brings light, healing, and truth. To support this truth, the Bible reminds us in Ephesians 5:13, “But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light; for it is light that makes everything visible.”
Let this truth guide you as you navigate the complexities of your journey.
When the Past Comes Roaring Back
To be clear, it wasn’t the suicidal thoughts that pushed me into therapy. Not at first. After the first incident with the pills, I chalked it up as a weird, one-off moment. But not long after, something deeper started to rise—painful childhood memories, long buried, began creeping back just like I was right there in the middle of it again.
And with them? Waves of anxiety that I could no longer push through.
I started therapy in mid-2022 to try to understand what was going on. At first, I was hopeful. But my therapist, whom I liked very much, was in her own season of transition. I honestly don’t think she realized it was affecting our sessions. After several appointments, I knew she wasn’t the right fit. So I stepped back, thinking, Maybe I can handle this alone.
But by 2023, that anxiety grew louder. Heavier. Suffocating. I went back to therapy—and this time, I got real help.
The Deeper Work: Healing With God and Therapy
I found a new talk therapist, and eventually a second one trained in deeper healing modalities like brainspotting and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)—tools that helped me go beyond the surface to process the trauma at its roots.
The thing is, that bridge incident didn’t come before I started therapy—it came after I started it. And I’m convinced that wasn’t a coincidence. I thank God I was already getting help, because therapy helped me tremendously.
Looking back, I know God’s hand was all over it. Therapy helped me face what I was too afraid to name. It also helped me reframe what I thought I understood about myself, my past, and how menopause stirred it all up.
And it’s why I say now, without shame, that I’m still in therapy. It’s been one of the greatest gifts of this season.
Looking back now, I know this much for sure: healing didn’t come from therapy alone. That was part of the journey, yes—but the deeper healing happened in the stillness. In the quiet times when God could get my full attention. In those unhurried, sacred moments, He began to renew my mind and pull back the layers of what the transition to menopause was really bringing to the surface. That’s when I realized—this wasn’t just a season of emotional chaos or hormonal shifts—it was a holy invitation. It was a profoundly sacred transition that God used to uncover, uproot, and awaken things I didn’t even know needed healing.
The Sacredness of Transitions
Let me say this—transitions are sacred.
They don’t always feel like it. Most of the time, they feel like confusion, loss, or even grief. You look around and wonder, What is happening to me? But it’s often in the middle of those uncertain moments that God speaks the loudest—if we’re willing to get still and listen.
What I’ve come to understand is that transitions are invitations. They are opportunities to stretch and strip away who you thought you were and reveal who God is shaping you to be —someone stronger, wiser, and more in tune with what He is doing in your life. And if you’re really listening to Him, you may even hear how you can better serve Him in ways that will bring others closer to Him. What a gift that is!
And we know [with great confidence] that God, who is deeply concerned about us, causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.
(Romans 8:28 AMP)
Great lessons and unexpected gifts can result when we stop resisting transitions and start leaning into them.
This Is Just the Beginning
I’ve learned so much along the way—through therapy, faith, community, and a deep hunger to understand what was happening in my body and mind.
I started listening to podcasts, reading books, and connecting with other women going through the same thing.
And I’m not done sharing.
This blog is part of an ongoing series in which I’m unpacking the real impact of menopause—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. In Part 2, I’ll take you deeper into the physical toll and how I’m rebuilding through strength training, nutrition, and a total mindset shift around my body. You don’t want to miss it.
💜 You’re Not Alone
If you’re reading this and quietly nodding, please know:
You are not alone.
You are not weak.
You are not broken.
You’re in transition.
And just like me, you can heal, grow, and thrive—even here.
I’m not entirely “on the other side” of it all. I’m still figuring things out. But I’m much better than I was a year and a half ago. Back in mid to late 2023, I was an absolute mess. I was STRUGGLING.
I took medical leave in June 2023 to help my Mom care for our family, and again in October 2023 to focus on my own mental health. The second time around, I was trying to survive the emotional chaos of menopause while carrying the heavy weight of watching my family change before my eyes.
My grandmother had entered a nursing facility in October of 2022, and my Dad’s health was declining more and more in 2023. By early 2024, his health took a drastic turn. After a hospital stay, he too was moved to a nursing facility in February 2024.
Seeing them decline, especially my Dad, was a lot. My mother was worn out, trying to hold everything together while managing their care. And all the while, I was silently battling mental health struggles that my family had no idea about. The stress, grief, and anxiety were constant companions.
On July 27, 2024, my Dad passed away. That kind of loss shakes something deep in your soul. He had been my confidant, my best friend for most of my life.
There is still not a day that I don’t think about him.
But by God’s grace—I’m still here.
Still healing.
Still choosing to trust God, who will never leave me in the valley.
He has become my confidant—my best friend.
And honestly? That’s how it was supposed to be all along.
My grandmother is still in the nursing home, and while the weight hasn’t disappeared, I’ve learned something life-changing:
I can’t carry it all without God—and I don’t have to or want to.
💬 Let’s Talk, Sis
Are you in a season of transition—menopause or otherwise—where God is stretching, teaching, and ministering to your heart?
What gift has come from your season of transition?”
📖 What scriptures are helping you hold on and keep going?
Drop a verse and encouragement in the comments. Let’s build each other up through the Word.
Let’s be women who remind each other that transitions aren’t just painful—they’re opportunities to grow. They’re sacred.
✨ Remember, life is a faith journey! ✨
