Fear and a Heavy Barbell
I remember the first time I tried to deadlift. At first, it wasn’t hard. But as the weight got heavier, the doubts crept in.
This is heavy. There’s no way I can lift this.
But I kept going. My form wasn’t always great, and sometimes I struggled. It wasn’t always pretty. But I showed up, week after week, pushing past the doubts. Now, after years of practice, I pull 235 pounds off the ground like I was made for it.
I feel strong. Confident. Capable.
Ironically, life works the same way.
Carrying the Weight of Insecurity
For as long as I can remember, I’ve carried the weight of insecurity, low self-esteem, and perfectionism.
I’ve always been the quiet one—the overthinker, the observer, the girl who second-guesses herself before she even has a chance to fail. I spent years worrying about how I’d be perceived, hesitating before speaking up, and staying in the background where it felt safer.
And here’s the thing: I’m still that girl at heart.
Yes, I speak up more now. Yes, I’ve gained confidence. But insecurity never completely disappears. It still whispers:
“You’re not good enough.”
“Girl, no one cares what you have to say.”
“You are never the one anyone is excited to see.”
Even as I write this blog, the doubts creep in. Is this good enough? Will anyone care? Will they roll their eyes?
The fear of judgment runs deep.
When Fear Kept Me Small
When I graduated from college in 2020, I had this picture in my head of how life should go: a new career, a fresh start, a sense of purpose.
But when I was still stuck in the same dead-end job, I knew I wanted something different. That year, I took a small step—I started this blog.
And then?
I let it sit for five years.
I initially published two posts, but fear, uncertainty, and having hardly any followers stopped me in my tracks. I love writing, but hitting “publish” felt heavier than any weight I’d ever lifted.
Not because of strangers on the internet. But because of the people who already knew me. The ones who might talk behind my back and whisper, Why does she think her words matter enough to build a blog?
I kept questioning myself:
What if no one ever reads it? What if I never build an audience?
Those unanswered questions keep me on the sidelines for a while.
Have you ever let fear keep you from pursuing your dreams? I’d love to hear your story! Share your experiences in the comments below.
Fear is Dead Weight. Faith is the Strength to Lift It.
If you don’t remember anything else from this blog, remember this:
Fear is dead weight. Faith is the strength to lift it.
Now, that’s a bar!
I’ve learned that staying quiet has never protected me from doubt—it has only kept me from growing.
Insecurity thrives when we focus on ourselves—our flaws, weaknesses, and fear of being judged. But faith shifts the focus. Faith reminds us that it’s never about impressing people.
It’s about obedience to God.
“Now may the God of peace… equip you with everything good for doing His will.”
—Hebrews 13:20-21 (AMP)
If God put something in your heart, He will equip you to do it.
So I’m choosing to trust Him, write, share, and show up—even when I feel unqualified and even if no one ever clicks on my website.
Because fear will not be the heaviest thing I carry.
What’s one fear that’s been holding you back? This week, I challenge you to take a small step to confront it. Share your goals with me!
Lifting the Weight of Burnout
About a year and a half ago, I realized I was carrying a different kind of weight—one that no amount of strength training could fix.
The weight of extreme burnout.
The weight of anxiety and depression.
And it was heavy.
It was mental and emotional depletion that made even the most minor tasks feel impossible. I’d never felt like that before in my life.
Since early 2022, I have kept pushing through, telling myself, “It’ll get better.” By 2023, I was drowning.
So in 2024, I made a hard and bold decision: I quit my job.
Not because I had a backup plan. Not because I was chasing a dream. But because my mental health required it.
And the worst part? I felt ashamed.
I barely talked about it except with my husband and a couple of close friends. Shouldn’t I have been able to handle this? Shouldn’t my faith have been enough?
At the same time, I was wearing the “everything is fine” mask for my family. My Dad was battling vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s, and watching him deteriorate every day only added to the weight I was carrying.
And speaking of bars…
I felt like I was about to lose my mind (up in here, up in here).
Yes, that’s a reference to the late, rapper, DMX. If you know, you know. But let’s stay focused.
For so long, I thought faith and emotional struggle shouldn’t exist in the same space. If I truly trusted Jesus, I wouldn’t feel this way.
But now I understand clearly: faith isn’t the absence of struggle. It’s what keeps me going in the middle of it.
If you’ve experienced burnout or mental health struggles, know you’re not alone. Let’s support one another! Share your thoughts in the comments.
The Fear of Being a “Bad” Christian
Even now, I fight that voice whispering that I’m not qualified.
Because honestly, I’m a woman who loves Jesus with all my heart. And I still listen to ’80s and ’90s hip-hop and R&B—and not just the clean songs, either.
I almost didn’t include that DMX reference earlier. Why? I thought about the people who would judge me for it. I imagined them questioning, “Why would she reference that song in this blog?“
And that’s the heart of impostor syndrome.
That fear of being “found out.” That doubt creeping in, telling me I don’t belong here. How can someone who still listens to all kinds of music (some with cursing) tell people to trust in Jesus? How can someone who doesn’t want to go to church every Sunday, and battled depression and anxiety encourage others to rely on their faith?
But here’s what I’ve come to realize: those questions? That doubt? It’s precisely what the enemy wants me to focus on. He wants me to believe my struggles disqualify me. But God? He’s in the business of using imperfect people for His perfect plans.
The Bible is full of imperfect people whom God used for His perfect plans.Moses doubted himself, but God still used him to change history (Exodus 4:10).
The Samaritan woman carried shame and had a shady past. When she met Jesus at the well, she was just going about her daily life, carrying the weight of her choices and the judgment of others. But Jesus didn’t reject her—He revealed Himself to her. And she became one of the first people to spread the good news (John 4).
God isn’t looking for perfect people, y’all—He’s looking for willing people.
Because God qualifies those He calls. And I will keep showing up—flaws, fears, and all—because He called me to this. I’m not new to this-I’m true to this.
It’s not about perfection; it’s about pursuit. I seek the Lord daily because I need Him, not because I have it all figured out. I spend time in prayer and scripture because I don’t want to live without Him. I can’t do life without Him.
No, I don’t have many Bible verses committed to memory yet—I often have to look up the scriptures I want to reference. But does that make my encouragement any less meaningful?
Absolutely not.
I’m deeply grateful that God renews my mind in ways I never saw coming. He ministers to my heart in ways that refresh my soul, shift my perspective, and remind me of who I am in Him.
How do you navigate your struggles while maintaining your faith? I’d love to hear your insights! Comment below and let’s uplift each other.
Not Everyone is My People—And That’s Okay
For a long time, I worried about what people would think. (I still do, but it’s getting better.)
Would they judge me for listening to secular music?
Would they dismiss my faith because I’ve struggled with depression and burnout?
Would they think I’m unqualified because I don’t have every scripture memorized?
But here’s what I’ve learned:
The people who don’t like what I share here are not my people. And that’s okay.
I’m not for everyone, and you’re not for everyone. But the ones who need to hear what I have to say, the ones who connect with my honesty and my journey? Those are my people.
And I’d rather show up authentically for the right people than exhaust myself trying to be someone I’m not for the wrong ones.
If this blog resonated with you, let’s keep the conversation going! I’d love to hear your thoughts—comment below and share your experiences. Remember, God qualifies those He calls.
And I will keep showing up—flaws, fears, and all—because He called me to this.
Remember, life is a faith journey!
