Introduction: A Life–Changing Realization
Some stories are hard to tell, and although I won’t be sharing every detail of this story, what I will share is important because it’s is very close to my heart. It highlights the great faithfulness of God in one of the darkest seasons of my life. What I’ve learned is that God often shows His love through the people closest to us, and if you’re paying attention, it can be one of the greatest blessings of your life.
When Life Shifted: Pregnancy, Fear, and Shame
In an earlier blog, I talked about the second time I trusted God with a significant life decision. As I wrote it, I couldn’t help but smile, thinking back to the first time I trusted Him in a big way.
At the time, I wasn’t smiling.
I was 21 years old, unexpectedly pregnant, and completely blindsided. Naive and disappointed — not just in myself, but in some of the people I trusted.
Once I found out I was pregnant, life seemed to come at me so fast. I was overwhelmed emotionally. I was heartbroken, scared, anxious, and filled with shame. My personality underwent a significant change, and for a while, the experience hardened me.
I pulled away even from some of the ones who were already in my life because I was so embarrassed.
I stopped opening up to new people because I didn’t trust anyone; it felt safer to be that way.
And to top that off, I felt so alone. I went a few weeks keeping the fact that I was pregnant from my parents. When it became clear I would be facing the pregnancy alone, I knew it was time to let them know. I was worried about how I was going to tell them, if they would kick me out or ask me to get an abortion. Honestly, I never really thought they would kick me out or tell me to get an abortion, but I was filled with so many anxious thoughts.
I wasn’t just scared–I was terrified.
Valentine’s Day: A Different Kind of Love Story
I had been very withdrawn for weeks and my parents knew something was wrong with me-especially my Dad. He sensed I was troubled and asked me a few times if I was okay. Usually if something was troubling me, I talked to him.
I was in a turmoil. I was overwhelmed, dealing with morning sickness, heartbroken and, depressed. I was collapsing emotionally under the weight of it all.
I was so scared and ashamed, I couldn’t even bring myself to tell them face-to-face that I was pregnant.
Instead, I wrote them a letter.
So, on Valentine’s Day of all days, I left the letter on the dining room table before heading off to work.
I figured it would give them the whole day to process what I had to say — to let the shock settle before I had to face them.
But life had other plans.
That day, my work shift was unexpectedly cut short because I passed out at the beginning of my shift.
When I got home, my parents were sitting at the dining room table, my letter in hand.
Although they had no idea I would be home earlier, they were waiting for me.
There were hard questions to answer — and they didn’t hold back.
I was sitting there, painfully aware that I was facing this alone.
And my Dad, in his hurt and disappointment, said words I’ll never forget:
“Well, you didn’t get pregnant alone. Where’s the boy?”
I could feel the heaviness of their extreme disappointment pressing into the room like a thick fog.
But you know what else I could feel, just as real, just as strong?
Their love.
And that didn’t change just because I got pregnant.
And I saw and felt that love throughout the rest of my pregnancy.
As I sit here writing this, tears are welling up in my eyes because that kind of love stays with you.
That kind of love changes you.
The way my parents loved me through one of my darkest, most disappointing times of my life showed me something I didn’t fully understand yet about God’s love:
Even when we mess up…
Even when we disappoint Him over and over again…
Even when we don’t deserve it…
He doesn’t walk away.
He doesn’t disown us.
I’m sure you’ve heard that learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.
And it is.
But experiencing God’s love?
That’s a life changing encounter you’ll never forget.
Think for a moment about someone whose love has carried you—perhaps a parent, friend, or mentor. Send them a quick note today to say thank you.
A Foundation of Love That Carried Me
I was deeply grateful to God for the love my parents showed me, and I often reflected on what that looked like over the years.
In the months before giving birth — and for many years afterward — I wrestled with guilt about not bringing my son into the world with two full-time parents like I had.
The disappointment cut deep.
Although I had never really thought about motherhood before getting pregnant at 21, I discovered something powerful:
I did want to bring a child into the world with the stability and with the same kind of strong foundation I was blessed to grow up with.
But that wasn’t my reality.
My parents gave me a foundation built on love, commitment, and faith.
Although their relationship wasn’t perfect, they were still together after all those years, raising my brothers and me. I knew how rare that was.
I knew how fortunate we were.
And now, here I was — about to become a mother in a way that felt like I was already failing before I even started.
The shame crushed me.
The depression that followed was layered, deep, and dark.
I couldn’t shake the thought:
“My parents sent me to college to earn my degree, to build my future, not to come back pregnant.”
I kept beating myself up for my mistakes.
But the Lord showed up for me.
Through my parents… and through my unborn child.
The same way God showed me who He is through my parents, He showed me who I could be to my son:
A steady light.
A reflection of grace in a world that could be so dark.
He showed me that life wasn’t just about me.
It was bigger.
It was about showing up like He calls us to — as light in a dark world.
Since I had just given my life to Jesus, I knew I had a lot to learn about being a Christian.
I remembered all the things my Dad had shared with me about Jesus and how I needed to pursue a relationship with Him for myself.
At that time, I thought that maybe going to church would help.
Maybe it would help me feel better.
Maybe it would help me stop feeling so bad about my thoughts of disappointing everyone, including my unborn son.
It wasn’t about me checking a box.
It was about seeking Jesus.
Chasing Hope: My First Steps Toward Faith
By the time I left for college, I had pretty much stopped attending church altogether.
So with the pregnancy, depression, and salvation, I decided to try going back to church again.
I visited the church from my old neighborhood when I was a young girl, but it felt stuffy and unfriendly. And none of the people who was there before were still there.
I then decided to visit our family church because my mother was still attending regularly there. But I never felt at home there.
I thought going back to church would be a fresh start, a chance to grow closer to God.
Maybe you’re searching for something real, too. Take a moment now to whisper a prayer asking Jesus to meet you exactly where you are.
When Church Felt Like Another Wound
Instead of open arms at church, I got cold stares.
Instead of grace, I felt judgment.
In their eyes, I wasn’t a new believer looking for family and guidance.
I was just another young, single, pregnant girl.
It hurt deeply, in ways I still can’t fully explain.
That was my first real experience of “church hurt,” and it shook me.
After everything I was already going through — the fear, the shame, the depression — surrendering my life to Christ had felt like my hope-and it was.
But the very place where I thought I would find healing made me feel like an outsider.
His people made me feel like I didn’t belong.
If you’ve ever felt let down by people who were supposed to love you, know this: God’s love hasn’t changed. He sees you, He cares, and He wants to heal those wounds.
Learning to Trust God’s Love Over People’s Opinions
But here’s the thing:
Even though I was new to the faith, I sensed that their judgment didn’t reflect God’s heart for me.
And that realization opened my eyes.
Although I resented the people in the church who mistreated me, I understood then that God’s love and human love are not always the same thing.
The love I had experienced in my bedroom that day when I cried out to Jesus?
The love I had seen shining through my parents’ disappointment?
That love was real.
That love was steady.
That love was enough.
It took me a long while to understand that not every building with a cross on top truly reflects the heart of God.
But once I did, it changed everything.
I realized belonging isn’t about church attendance.
It’s about knowing Whose you are.
It’s about recognizing God’s love, even when people get it wrong.
And let’s be real — we all get it wrong sometimes, don’t we?
The truth is, the “church” is made up of flawed people, just like me, just like you.
And because of that, church hurt will be inevitable at some point.
But here’s what I know now that I didn’t fully grasp back then:
Jesus is the only perfect one.
He’s the one we must keep our eyes on when our feelings get hurt — whether it happens inside or outside the church walls.
When I was young in my faith, it would really hurt me to my core when Christians didn’t show up in love.
(Not gonna lie — it still bothers me a lot.)
People can be just so mean, especially those of us who call ourselves Christian.
I am extremely sensitive (I hide it well), but when my feelings are hurt, it takes me a minute to recover.
They were ingredients in a bigger story that God was writing all along.
But the truth is, grace is for all of us.
We all show up wrong sometimes, too.
Sometimes I still wish God’s love and grace would shine perfectly through us every time.
But when it doesn’t…
We have the opportunity to extend the same grace that we so desperately need ourselves.
Looking back, I realize I was hoping to find that grace at church when I was 22 and terrified.
I didn’t find it there.
But I found it in my parents — in their imperfect but overwhelming love for me.
And most importantly, I found it in Jesus.
That was more than enough.
Dark seasons are real—but so is the light that never fades. Keep chasing His light today, even if it’s just one small step.
The Light That Leads Me Still
That church hurt, as painful as it was, became one of the lessons I needed most.
It taught me to seek God’s heart, not people’s approval.
It taught me that belonging isn’t about a building — it’s about a relationship with Jesus.
A few years later, I was drawn to my current church home because I met my pastor at a Bible school I attended briefly.
It was the light of Christ in him that drew me.
A real light.
A familiar light.
The kind of light that only comes from knowing Jesus personally.
And that’s the light I continue to chase — and the light I pray you see shining through these words today.
No matter how dark your season may feel, His love is real, steady, and closer than you think.
Your story matters. If this resonated with you, drop a comment below or send me a message—I’d love to walk alongside you in this journey.
And remember: Life is a faith journey. You’re not walking it alone.💜
