Zanele's Faith Journeys

The Reality Check of 55

This week, on May 8th, I will be 55 years old.
Just when I finally got used to saying I’m 54, now I have to fix my mouth to say, “I’m 55,” 😄. Time really doesn’t wait, does it?

Over the past couple of months, it’s hit me—hard—that most of my time on this earth is behind me. I have fewer years ahead than I do behind, and that’s a sobering thought.

I thought I’d have checked a few more boxes by now. My dreams have never been over the top—I dream simply, I think. I want to have enough money to buy what I need and what I want, when I need and want it. Sure, being wealthy would be cool, but I’m not interested in expensive cars or Birkin bags. I just want the freedom to care for myself and my family, help others in need, and live a little, without constantly counting coins. I’m just so tired of counting coins!

One of my biggest dreams is to travel extensively and bring some friends and family with me. I want to see the world and experience other cultures. I imagined I’d spend a month in Hawaii for my 50th birthday. But here I am, five years later, and I’m no closer to that dream than I was back then.

I also thought I’d be financially stable at this point. But life had a plot twist. I’ve been unemployed for the past year, and things are tight. I mean, really tight. But even with all that, I have zero regrets about quitting. Last year, around this time, I was mentally and emotionally drained. Now? I’m in a better space. Still navigating uncertainty, but at peace with the decision I made.

And if I’m honest, I’m feeling a little melancholy about my birthday this year, too. Birthdays have always been a big deal for me—not just my own, but for the people I love. I go all out celebrating others, and I want that same energy when it’s my turn. But for the past few years, I haven’t really gotten that. I’m expecting more of the same this year, and that’s been sitting heavy with me.

I do my best to celebrate myself well—and I will—but it would be nice if someone else showed up for me the way I show up for them. Unmet expectations can cause disappointment every time!

I know I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way. So let me ask you—how do you honor yourself when others don’t show up the way you hoped they would?

Here’s what I’ve learned: Sometimes you have to be the one who buys your own balloons, gets your own birthday cake, lights the candles, and reminds yourself—your birthday is a big deal too, so celebrate yourself in a big way.

Still, despite of all that, I can’t shake the peace I feel about where I am right now. I may not have everything I want, but I’m more grounded than I’ve ever been.

Unqualified… but Still Called

So with all of that—the missed milestones, the dreams still unfulfilled, the tight finances, and the fact that I don’t have it all together—sometimes I find myself thinking:

“Who am I to talk about faith and trusting God with everything to other women?”

Besides, I don’t go to church every Sunday.
I don’t have a lot of scripture memorized for quick reference.
My prayers aren’t eloquent, polished petitions or soliloquies.
Feeling unqualified has kept me and many of us from sharing our faith, faith journeys, fears, and failures. We compare ourselves to people who seem to have it all together spiritually, and we shrink back, thinking, Who am I to talk about God when I’m still trying to heal, grow, and figure some things out?

But I think that’s exactly why I should talk about faith and share my journey.

Because faith isn’t about looking the part or looking put together, it’s not even about attending church regularly or quoting chapter and verse on demand (although God does want us to do these things).
Faith requires us to show up anyway and obey God’s prompting.
It’s about still believing even when life looks nothing like you imagined.
It’s about trusting God with everything, even when you’re unsure about anything.

So why do I still share my faith journey, even when I don’t have it all together?
Because God reminded me that He never calls the perfect—He calls the willing.
And this scripture says it best:

Wow! Those verses hit different when you’re in your 50s, still figuring it out.
God’s not looking for polished. He’s looking for present. He’s looking for obedience.
I may not check every spiritual box, but I’ve got faith, willingness, and a story that He’s still writing.
That’s enough. I’m enough.

5 Things I’ve Learned in 55 Years

Turning 55 won’t come with diamond earrings or a trip to Hawaii or Paris (yet!), but it has come with some hard-earned clarity. So I’m sharing five truths I’ve learned in this season of life. Some I stumbled into. Some I fought for. All of them shaped me.

1. You don’t have to have it all together to be used by God.

I used to think I had to “have it all together” before making an impact. But God has used me most in the middle of my mess, not at the end. I’m still a work in progress (and I always will be), and yet He works right through that. God is so great!! And I am so grateful!

2. Not yet doesn’t mean never

Just because something hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it never will. Honestly, I have to keep telling myself this. Dreams don’t expire—they evolve. Hawaii at 50 didn’t happen… but maybe Hawaii at 56 or 57 will. I’m still believing, still preparing, still open.

3. Peace is worth way more than a paycheck.

I quit a job that paid the bills but drained my soul. I struggled with making the decision. And yet, I don’t regret it—not for a second. The mental and emotional peace I have now? Priceless. I may not be rolling in the money (yet!), but I’m no longer drowning inside.

4. You don’t owe anyone a performance version of yourself.

At this age, I refuse to shrink, perform, or pretend. I can’t wear a mask anymore!  I am who I am—introverted, faith-filled, a little goofy, almost cool😄, and still figuring it out. And I’m still working on being okay with more people seeing the full picture, not just the highlight reel.

5. Life is a faith is a journey, not a destination.

There’s no finish line. No point where you “arrive” and stop growing. Faith stretches, widens, deepens, and evolves. It’s not about always feeling confident—it’s about still going for it even when you’re unsure.

Hebrews 11:1 (AMP) says: “Now faith is the assurance (title deed, confirmation) of things hoped for (divinely guaranteed), and the evidence of things not seen [the conviction of their reality—faith comprehends as fact what cannot be experienced by the physical senses].”

This is another verse hits different when you’ve lived a little and trusted God with more and more. Because after all the setbacks, the hoping, and the wondering, I’m learning to treat God’s promises like they’re already mine—because faith is the title deed. Even when I can’t see the outcome, I must walk like it’s done. That’s the journey. That’s what faith is!

And I know I can’t please God without it—because as Hebrews 11:6 (AMP) reminds us: “Without faith it is impossible to walk with God and please Him…”

The Journey Continues: Embracing Faith at 55

So here I am—soon to be 55 years old, still figuring things out, growing, hoping, and believing. I may not have all the boxes checked or the picture-perfect testimony, but maybe that’s exactly why God nudged me to share anyway, because He’s not looking for polished. Again, He’s looking for the willing. He uses the imperfect, the unsure, the in-progress. That’s the whole point of grace. So I’ll keep showing up, telling the truth, and walking this faith journey—sometimes bold, sometimes trembling, but always forward. I’m not done yet. And neither is God. Praise Him!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾

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Remember, life is a faith journey! Walk boldly!