“Consider it nothing but joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you fall into various trials. Be assured that the testing of your faith through experience produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2–4 (AMP)
Keeping a Promise to Myself
I shared in my Authentic April monthly wellness post that I would be returning to the gym on Fridays in May and stepping back into that rhythm.
I also admitted something very honest in that same post. Returning to the gym was necessary for me this season because I could not get it done at home. I didn’t have the discipline or determination to commit to that consistently. I had to get out of the house to get it done.
So, every Friday, I was in the gym getting reacquainted with heavier lifting.
And what I didn’t fully expect was how much of what I shared in my last blog about capacity would come with me into that space. Because capacity wasn’t just something I wrote about. It demonstrated how I had to practice what I had been writing about, even under the barbell.
A Month of Capacity, Not Performance
There are things I thought would be more consistent by now — like tracking my protein and carbs, and getting back on the nature trail. Lord knows I love walking that trail. I just haven’t built that rhythm yet, at least not in the way I imagined.
But instead of frustration, I’m learning something quieter.
Some habits don’t return all at once. Some are still finding their place.
And what I’ve realized is that capacity isn’t just about what you can do. It’s about what you can sustain without breaking yourself in the process.
That showed up clearly at the gym. Every Friday in May, I went to train, but I didn’t train the way I used to. I moved more slowly. I paid more attention. I stopped when my body told me to stop. I didn’t push through just because “I could still do it.” For me, that was the real work. I adjusted the weight, the sets, and the reps as needed. The numbers will come back up over time — but right now, I’m concentrating on capacity and form.
That was grace in action — not as a feeling, but as a decision I kept making under load.
On the day I wrote this, I took my first walk on the nature trail in over a month. I’m not pressuring myself. I’m focusing on movement, presence, and simply returning. My baseline is 3 miles, and that’s exactly what I did. I’m happy to say it was great!
Barbell Therapy (What It Actually Taught Me)
I’m now calling my time at the gym “barbell therapy”. It’s a necessity for me in this season. I love it as much — if not more — than my time on the nature trail.
Not because the barbell fixes everything. But for those couple of hours every Friday, life becomes very simple.
I pay close attention to my body and adjust accordingly. That might mean dropping the weight or cutting the reps. It might mean swapping a Viking press for a strict press because that’s what my body actually wants to do that day. If I feel up to it, I add another exercise. And then I do it all again the next week.
But what I didn’t say at the beginning is this: that simplicity is what made capacity visible.
Because under the bar, I couldn’t fake anything.
If I was tired, it showed. If I rushed, it showed. If I ignored my body, it showed. And instead of fighting that, I started respecting it.
That’s where grace started to feel real — not as softness, but as wisdom. Grace became choosing lighter weight without shame and resting longer without apology. Adjusting my form without frustration. Accepting where I actually am in this season.
And somehow, that made me stronger in a different way.
This capacity struggle has got me shook. I’m listening to God and trusting him in all things, even at the gym. James 1:5–6 tells me exactly what I need to do — “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask Him, be sure that your faith is in God alone… “
And let me be clear — these verses don’t just apply to me with my approach to capacity and strength-training; they apply to every facet of my life. And if something has you shook in this season of your life, this applies to you, too.
Structure, Capacity, and Real-Life Discipline
I’ve also come to understand something about myself. Although I have a vintage barbell and enough iron plates at home to train moderately — and for a season, I did exactly that — equipment was never really the issue.
I’ve learned something important about myself in this stage of life.
I don’t just need equipment. I need structure. I need routine. I need a place to go. I need the act of leaving the house, stepping into a space where my only job is to show up and do the work in front of me.
Because discipline doesn’t always look like intensity, sometimes discipline means choosing an environment that supports your capacity rather than constantly testing it.
That was one of the quiet truths of May for me.
The Living Evidence of Grace
One of the things I missed most wasn’t just lifting heavy at the gym. It was seeing the older lifters.
Men and women who are 15 to 20 years older than me, still showing up, still training, still moving. No fanfare. No performance. Just consistency.
And when I see them, I don’t just see strength. I see grace lived out over time. I see people who have learned their capacity — not in theory, but in their bodies. They don’t seem to be fighting where they are. They’re working with it.
And that mirrors exactly what I was trying to learn in May.
Because life after 50 isn’t about denying change. It’s about learning how to move with it without losing yourself.
And Then There Was This
May also gave me something else entirely.
My birthday. Fifty-six trips around the sun.
I celebrated quietly — the way you do when a birthday lands in a season of transition and you feel the weight of it more than the fanfare. There was gratitude. There was a lot of reflection on my life and how I can be the best me I can be now and in the future to serve the Lord well. I made a life-changing decision I’m certain about, but there is a little bit of uncertainty about where I’m headed. Two opposite things being true at the same time — isn’t that how messy middle living shows up?
Because I know something about this next year that I’m not ready to share in full just yet, what I will say is this — fifty-six feels different. It feels like a threshold, like something is being completed, so something else can begin.
And somehow, returning to the barbell in May felt connected to all of it, like my body knew before my words did, that this was a year to show up differently.
I’m stepping into it. Quietly. Boldly. On purpose.
What May Really Gave Me
And maybe that’s the biggest takeaway from May — and if I’m being honest, the ongoing theme of this entire year so far. This year has been consistently inconsistent. Not every goal has been checked off.
But capacity became something I could actually live in — not just write about.
But in May, there were five Fridays of me showing up. A renewed relationship with strength training. A deeper awareness of my limits without judgment. And grace showing up not in theory, but under a barbell.
Carrying This Into June
As I move into June, I’m carrying that forward and keeping the gym as an anchor. I’m also allowing the walking habit to grow without pressure by letting structure do what it does best—support, not suffocate.
And continuing to live in this messy middle space with a little more trust than I had before. Because maybe progress isn’t always about adding more. Sometimes it’s about learning how to stay honest inside what’s already there.
Life is a faith journey. Walk boldly.
Be strong enough to honor your capacity without apology.💜
Be disciplined enough to choose the environment that supports your growth.💜
Be graceful enough to adjust without shame — and keep showing up anyway.💜
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. Drop a comment below and tell me — what is your barbell therapy this season? What’s the thing that’s keeping you grounded in the messy middle?
And if you know a woman who needs this today, share it with her. She might need the reminder that showing up — even slowly, even imperfectly — is still showing up.
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— Tami Zanele
